Gift and Wish Lists - Important Holiday Conversations

Christopher Bolich, D.O., medical director, AtlantiCare Palliative Medicine

Gift and Wish Lists - Important Holiday Conversations

The holidays can be a great time for families and friends to get together.

They offer us the opportunity to reconnect and catch up.

For many, giving gifts is a way to show appreciation and love.

One of the greatest gifts my parents gave me was explaining their end-of-life care wishes.

As children, many of us gave wish lists to our parents for what we absolutely had to have.

If we did not get what we most wanted, we were often disappointed.

I recently shared the importance of all those 18 and older having an advance healthcare directive and sharing it with their loved ones and healthcare providers in “What Are Your End-of-Life Wishes?”

There are many reasons people do not have their end-of-life wishes in writing.

Most often, we do not want to think about the end of our lives – including what life-sustaining care and/or comfort measures we will want.

Those who are seriously ill or have a fatal illness often do not know they can talk with their doctor about filling out Physician Order for Life Sustaining Treatment form, which works along with an advance directive.

Misinformation can lead to beliefs that palliative care hastens death due to patients’ giving up.

Having a plan is not about giving up. It’s about taking control of what you want at the end stage of your life as you focus on the quality of life for yourself and your loved ones. Many studies have shown that patients who focus on their comfort, instead of aggressive therapy, actually live longer. I have experienced this with my patients.

We do not like thinking about the possibility that we might not be able to communicate our wishes.

We sometimes assume people know our wishes.

Though uncomfortable to have, this conversation can be less difficult if we have it with our loved ones when we have time together to speak openly and honestly.

The holiday season is a good time to do that. It is far more peaceful to make decisions with loved ones in a relaxed, comfortable setting than to do so in a crisis.

Whether you are making your wish list or deciding what gifts to give others, include the conversation on the list.

As you sip coffee or hot chocolate by the fireplace, take a walk around your neighborhood, or share potluck meal at the dinner table, ask about your loved ones’ wishes and tell them yours.

Put your plan in writing and help your loved ones to do so. You can download an Advance Directive for Health Care and POLST form here.

Hear more from Dr. Bolich about the importance having and sharing your end-of-life plan in this AtlantiCare Spreading the Health podcast.